Helping Our Children Feel Satisfied

The advertisements we see and hear are so powerful. "There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Mastercard."  We no longer live in a world that encourages us to be content with what we have or what we can afford.  Their disasterous assertions indicate that happiness comes when we always have "things." Commercials constantly show us where we are lacking and what we need to purchase to be "complete." A new pool, make-up, clothing, toys, iPod, cell phone...the things we "need" seem never ending.  

"These messages are so consistent with the way we already think, they hardly strike us as propaganda anymore. 'Your kids need more that you're already giving them.  You don't want to deprive them of a good, full life. What they need can be purchased with money. And we,' the advertisers promise,' will make it easier for you to provide just the right thing.' "

"We are constantly getting the message that no one should have to live with this horrible state of affairs. No wonder we are becoming less and less tolerant of the little daily problems and imperfections of life. However, advertisers do not create the feeling of 'not enough' in our lives.  They are just capitalizing on it, promising to pacify it, and pretending they can."

Mary Ellen Edmunds has a wonderful statement for this propaganda of needing more.  She said "You can never have enough of what you don't need because what you don't need, never satisfies." I can never get enough of BBQ potato chips because I don't need them.  I can never get enough new and fashionable clothing because I don't need them. I can never get enough money because I don't spend what I already make wisely.  

What lessons are we in turn teaching our children? Do they have to work and save up to earn special things or do they just get them at Christmas, for their birthday, or from the grandparents? Do our children see us saving our money and being careful about what we buy?  

A fabulous and old book titled Mama's Bank Account tells the story of Norwegian immigrants to San Fransisco in the early 1900's. Each week they would gather as a family to count out what they needed to spend the father's hard earned money on. "This is for the grocer. This is for the shoemaker. This is for Nels' books for high school. Is it enough? Yes! It's enough. We do not have to go to the bank." The whole family was a part of making sure there was enough money. They never had to go the bank to take out their savings because they always made due with what they had, gave up something to save money, or worked a side job to make a little bit more. The eldest daughter wanted to become a writer and she finally sold a story and received a large check of $500. She told her family that she wanted put the money in the bank. The mother and father looked at each other and finally admitted that they didn't have a bank account. They only said that because they didn't want the children to worry when money was so tight. It is such a powerful message! (A fabulous black & white movie version titled I Remember Mama is also highly recommended!).  The Waltons TV show is another wonderful example of these ideals.

Our society has gotten away from the truth that we do not need everything we want. We also do not have to have things right now. Patient, hard work, and contentment are virtues pushed aside. "We can never get enough of what we don't need because what we don't need never satisfies."  Please share your thoughts with us. How have you been able to combat these issues?

New Blog Email

To make this a more interactive experience we have set up a blog email.  We'd love to hear from you about what you'd like to see posted or send us something to post.  If haven't checked out the posts on Family Traditions on our home blog we encourage you to do so!  The email for this blog is sugarwiseman.courage@blogger.com

Our questions for April/May: How has losing a child affected your family? What has helped you the most?

One of our inspirations...

My prayers and peace to all who have posted here. There are challenges in our lives for a reason and we can become stronger and closer to our God and each other through them. 
We have many struggles on our plate at the moment. I will type of only one. I feel this is the biggest trial of my life and have gone through most of it. I HOPE!

We have three children living with us today and we have lost three. Anyone out there that has lost a child knows of the pain, guilt and depression that comes along with this trial. 

I died the day my daughter died. She was just a baby and the doctors don't know why she died, she just did. That was years ago and at times I still feel the pain as if it was 20 minutes ago. I died inside but my heart keep beating and I keep breathing in and out all day long. It seems like a sentence more painful then death, for I had to live without her.

After a few years of empty aching arms and unable to get pregnant, we adopted two beautiful children. Brother and sister, 18 months and three years old. They filled my life with wonderful wildness. My house had toys thrown all over it and the laundry had little shirts that need to be folded. I loved folding those little clothes. 

There were bed time stories and piggy back rides. All this time the adoption was pending. The weeks turned into months and the months turned into years. Then came the day that they were taking from me. This time it was the birth mother that came back at the last minute and took the kids. 

I died again. The house was quiet. I cleaned the house and it stayed clean. The laundry took a fraction of the time it use to take and there were no cute little clothes to fold. I pulled away from everyone. My husband, my friends, and my family. My mom could not understand my feelings for she had had the exact opposite problem I was having. She keep getting pregnant and the kids all stayed. I struggled so. I was so alone.

At church one day my friend had her new baby girl in her arms. I ran up to her and asked to hold the child. As she slipped into my arms, my eyes filled with tears and I began to sob into the little pink blanket that was wrapped around this precious child. I stood there for ten minutes crying, not aware of the group of people starring at me. There are very few people on this earth that can ever truly understand the pain that swept over me that day.

Time went on and we started infertility treatments. Money was short so we held yard sales and car washes trying to get enough to try and get pregnant. After years of this I conceived my son. I got to keep this one! What a blessing he is to me. 
When your heart has the hole the size mine did, the sweet loving peace of the long awaited child is felt deeply. All I can say is that the joy is felt as deeply as the pain ever was. We have not been able to have any more children. 

Many adoptions have fallen through. But two adoptions worked out and we now have three children. How grateful I am for each child. Each one is a miracle to me.

The three children that I lost help me be a better mother to the three that I have the privilege of keeping. 
Challenges stretch us, bend us and almost kill us at times. But we are greatly blessed by these struggles. I love all six of my kids and am eternally grateful for having them in my life even it some of them stayed for only moments. (Anonymous)